Sipping hot tea from Granny's good china on a Friday night. You know, my Granny had so many sets of china that she gave each of her 11 grandchildren a set. The set I was gifted is a dessert set that has white with teal paintings of a French countryside. I think it was one of their wedding presents.
I feel good tonight! I upped one of my medications on Tuesday and I've been taking a daily Klonopin since Monday's panic attack. Is the better mood the meds or am I over this now? Can I manage without the Klonopin or the extra Abilify? That's the tricky thing about anxiety. Is it real? Do I need these medications? 2 days wouldn't get into my system that fast, so I must have had a bad couple days, right? Maybe I can stop taking them! Every time I come out of a bad spell my reaction is to attempt to manage it with herbs, diet and fresh salt air. I know better than that by now but the temptation doesn't go away. My doctor once told me that the patients that are least likely to take their medications are the ones that need them the most.
Yesterday I walked by a house for sale that is about 40 years old with a for sale sign. I saw an old man in the yard and waved then asked if I can come see it. He invited me in and showed me the avocado tree, the lemon tree and the guava tree in the backyard. He picked samples for me to take home and I didn't have a bag but thankfully I was wearing my jean Bermuda shorts with the elastic waistband (and a tummy flattening panel) so I could stuff my pockets. We talked for a little while and he pointed out the pink flowered vines shaped into a heart that he built for his wife who died 3 years ago.
The man's name is Lupe and he touched my heart. I believe houses have energy flows and I want to live in a house where the husband so loved his wife that he built her a heart shaped vine out of pink flowers. Today I took a notecard that I wrote for Lupe saying thank you for the avocados and I want to buy his house and how much I can afford.
Perhaps the biggest mood altering incident is having a candid conversation with Tico. It didn't resolve our financial questions and I don't know where we will end up. I do know that I told him what I was thinking in a way that I'm usually too scared to admit for fear that he will get angry and say something hurtful. Overall I felt heard and I even wanted to cuddle him. Not have sex, but I probably would have if he had tried.
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