I had a panic attack yesterday, which is prompting the beginnings of my blog. My psychiatrist recommends an outlet, exercise, sex, and obtaining from alcohol and drugs. And my meds, of course. So here we go.
I have a Big Time Corporate Job and I was presenting about 5 slides on a meeting and whoosh, the panic waved over me. It came out of nowhere! My throat closed up and my speech started coming out garbled and shaky. After 1-2 minutes of sheer terror I pretended to have something stuck in my throat. When I was safely on mute and could breath a minute I could finish the rest of the call. During the 8-10 minutes that my portion of the call lasted I felt ok. The physical reaction sucked, sure, but I didn't feel ashamed. I was calm in the face of my panic.
It was after the call that the shame and judgement rolled in. Ooooooh noooooo. . . I can't fake it anymore, they know, I'm dysfunctional, I can't even work, I'm so embarrassed, I'm so ashamed.
Here it is, my real life. Living with anxiety.
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