I feel like I have nothing to give anyone today. I'm so bored and lonely. It's so amazing how up and down my mood can be. Happy one day and so down the next. I don't feel like talking to anyone yet I know it's my depression and talking would help. I just want to sleep. I have so little to give. I can't even muster the energy to call my favorite senior friend.
Being around my husband seems boring and pointless. He doesn't want to take our relationship to the level beyond cohabitating and I'm so disappointed we won't be taking a big step together. Or am I? Maybe this is my out. My kids are going to their dad's this weekend and I won't have anyone to cook dinner for or talk to or go on a picnic with and force me out of my head. Drinking wine sounds nice. I badly want an escape from this dreary place I'm in. I know drinking won't help with the overall mood of life but it would help me for the evening. My doctor has made it very clear that alcohol will only do more harm than good as it causes more long term anxiety and depression. It's not fair. I'm not even an alcoholic. I miss it so much.
Can't I have just one night a month where I have a few glasses with friends? Can't I have one afternoon with edibles? This is bullshit.
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