My Tantra Speed Dating Experience

I really hope this post doesn't become viral. I'm so afraid of people reading this. And yet, here I am, still writing.

According to the rules, you have to be open to a new romance connection. It's not required but it's going to be more fun if you're willing play with your intimacy limits and connect with people. This one was in Venice Beach in a cool, funky yoga studio.

The woman next to me was friendly and open. We joked before it started, Her humor is edgy and forward, a rare and fun surprise to meet in a new friend. She and I exchanged numbers before we left and I already texted her today.

Each interaction is about 2-3 minutes. They are exercises to create connection between men and women. The connected conversation of the facilitator created an environment where most people seemed willing to be open. I was into it. The facilitator did a great job of making us feel safe and comfortable. He reminded us that we could opt out frequently, which I appreciated. The time I opted out I felt safe saying no.

For example: I didn't want to hug a partner so didn't hold my arms out. We just stood there looking into each others eyes and holding hands instead.

There were a couple interesting people I met.

The one that blinded me we will call Flower. He wore all white, flow-y clothes. Long, white, extra wide button down blouse. Long, white wide legged pants. He stood barefoot with a beaded wood rope around his ankle. He has long, shoulder length hair. It is a dark, rich salt and pepper grey and it is thick and full, slightly wavy, evenly cut. He has a matching short beard and mustache. Darker skin, light blue eyes. Those eyes. Our exercise was to stare into each others eyes, all the while being guided by the facilitator describing this persons beauty and vulnerabilities. He glanced at me softly. Opened up his soul.

The next one soul that I was drawn to was Apple. I call him Apple because I knew he would have a biblical name, which helped me find him as I had to solve the mystery of who was who from my list of matches. He didn't upload a picture so I couldn't be sure.

The facilitator instructs me and Apple to hold hands and look at each other while sharing:

What I want you to know about me is: (Fill in the blank)

What I don't want you to know about me is: (Fill in the blank)

I start. I say, "What I want you to know about me is that I'm funny." and "What I don't want you to know about me is that I'm old."

His reaction was look at me intently and say, "You are not too old." It landed to me like, "You look great!" which was sweet and also annoying. It felt like giving in to the idea that women need to look good.

I like him, because I like how he reacted when I smiled at him, but part of me was like, eh. . . maybe not.

Then it's his turn to share with me. He says, "I want you to know about me is that I'm kind", and, " What I don't want you to know about me is that I grew up in a very religious family."

I could feel that he shared something authentic. Maybe it was the first thing that came to his mind when the facilitator gave the instructions. I saw that glimpse of vulnerability and it was incredible.

It was that way for me. The first thing that came to my mind when the facilitator gave instructions was to tell to him, "I'm too old." I quickly shared it anyway, even though I had all the thoughts we have not to be vulnerable.

"Hmm, can I come up with something else? Shit. Then he's going to know I'm old. I'm pointing out that I'm ugly to him. He will see my ugliness. Maybe he'll ask me how old I am. If he's on the fence with me that sounds pathetic. Instead I'll say, 'I worry about money'."

If I'm honest, right here and right now, I'm not thinking about money. It's not what I don't want you to know about me, right now. I was letting myself off the hook. I shared what I actually didn't want him to know about me and it seems like he did the same. I found it attractive.

Interacting with Flower and Apple were the romance highlights, but there were a couple other non-romantic highlights of the evening, too. I had other intimate interactions with men, however, I don't feel drawn to them on a romantic level and I won't share about them at this time. I sent both Flower and Apple emails and said I liked connecting with them and would they would be interested in coffee or talking?

Then there's a third guy, Bro.

When I first arrived and I looked around the room, I felt the energy of some of these guys I was a little disappointed because I wasn't drawn to any of them. Then I saw Bro and some inner voice went, "Oh! Mmmmm! That guy!"

He is tall, masculine, chiseled, light, short brown hair. Nice arms. Could definitely pick me up. Not overly handsome, not perfect handsome, just the right amount.

After the initial jolt I got flushed with his masculine energy. It was harsh and he turned me off. He seemed like a Bro. I wanted something softer. I was drawn to Flower, the exotic man in white with a slight curve over his belly and soft eyes.

Bro reached out to me today, we've been texting, and you know what? I don't think Bro is a bro, Too bad the name already stuck.

We are sharing with each other in a way that is new and exciting for me. He definitely still has the strong masculine energy and it is intense. But I am intrigued. He is initiating connection and, so far, seems present for my honestly. It's surprisingly hot.