I think my daughter has undiagnosed ADD. She can't finish her work these days for anything. I've witnessed her struggling for hours to complete tasks that I would expect to take her a few minutes. Brushing her teeth or emptying the bathroom trash or gathering her things from the living room can take all day or not even happen at all. I confess one reason (the main reason?) I've not gotten her diagnosed is I'm lazy. Or maybe I relate to the same ADD characteristics I see in her and it completely overwhelms me on what to do next.
Focus issues started impacting my daily life when I got a full-time job working from home. One day about ten years ago, for no particular reason, I took a personality test to find out if I'm an introvert or an extrovert. Turns out I was off the charts extrovert. EXTROVERT in all caps. On a scale of 1-10 I was a 10. I was absolutely mortified. Does this mean I'm obnoxious and gregarious? Does this mean people see me and turn the other way because I talk their ears off? I do like a good party, after all. And I love to laugh. Who doesn't?
As I commiserated with my introverted sister she responded, "And you needed a quiz to tell you that?" Turns out an extrovert doesn't necessarily mean I have to be the life of the party, but rather, it means I get my energy by being around other people.
Working from home has been a struggle for me but since I travel a lot the mix has been enough to keep me fairly motivated and mix up my schedule. I didn’t think I liked the travel because traveling is exhausting but in-person meetings leave me invigorated and excited. With the quarantine I'm home all day every day, my only break being my daily walk and perhaps a trip to the mailbox. My inability to focus and my level of anxiety are through the roof. I have regular anxiety attacks on calls now and I take a Klonopin a couple times a week as directed by my doctor to help offset a full-fledged panic attack.
I relate to the struggle my daughter is experiencing. She's so smart and gets in a zone to finish the work she needs to complete, but working in her room isn't effective and leaves her feeling lonely. As I write this, good Lord, I discover, Maybe my daughter is an extrovert! Whether or not she has ADD (or whether or not I do, for that matter) could be irrelevant to the social quarantining she has had to endure these last few weeks. It is not healthy for a social 11-year-old to be stuck home without her friends. She knows no one else is spending time together but she still feels like she's losing her friends by not spending time with them.
I can't help but recall all of the times I've had panic attacks or anxiety attacks as I write this. I'm so sick of them. I'm sick of being scared to work for fear of another panic attack. I'm tired of how my voice wavers on phone calls with pretty much anyone these days. I'm exhausted with being terrified to talk on the phone. I'm fed up with how anxious I feel. I'm discouraged.
There are thousands of articles on how to navigate life as an introvert but so little support on how to thrive as an extrovert. I can remind myself, just like I remind my daughter, that it’s ok to be anxious. Our anxiety is going to be exacerbated every day we aren’t social. We are social beings and we need people. We will make it through this.
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